Category — ramblings

When we find ourselves going through trials, we often have the question “Why Me?” going through our heads. We often focus on ourselves and our circumstances. We often adopt a “victim mentality” as our viewpoint.

But this in not where God calls us to look.

God calls us to fix our eyes on Him, not on our circumstances. He calls us to cling to Him, not our ‘stuff’.

Carlos Whittaker has a song on his Ragamuffin Soul album called We Will Worship You that sets this idea to music. He took the chorus lyrics from a prayer… a prayer from the Book of Puritan Prayers. But it’s still so very applicable (if not more so) today than when it was first penned.

Here are the lyrics to We Will Worship You:

We fix our eyes on You, You are God alone
We fix our eyes on You, You’re our only hope
For all we have to lose is our very souls

Hallelujah hallelujah
Hallelujah hallelujah

© 2009 Carlos Whittaker | Jason Ingram

I urge you to really read those words and really, truly think about them. When we fix our eyes on our circumstances, on those around us, or on the ‘stuff’ in out lives that bring us comfort it means that we are taking our eyes off of Jesus. When we take our eyes off  of Jesus, we begin to sink in the waves of the storm that surrounds us.

However, when we fix our eyes on Jesus, we can do anything. We can walk through any storm. We can thrive and live a life of abundance.

What comforts are taking your focus? What circumstances are distracting you from God? What joys are in your life that aren’t from God? Are you always striving for more ‘stuff’ to satisfy your cravings? Or are you satisfied with God – His unfailing love, His grace, His holiness?

This is the prayer of my heart today – that I would be satisfied that God is enough. That I will boldly walk into unfamiliar territory with my eyes and my heart firmly fixed on God and His plan for me.

That through it all I will choose to worship God rather than me. That I would focus on God instead of my circumstances. That the joys in my life will come from His hand and with His blessing. That He would be enough.

It just keeps coming back to perspective.

A thousand horsemen beating kettle drums…

Skin that’s been attacked by a polka dot cactus…

Ears that are going deep sea diving…

Teeth that are crying out for a trip to the dentist…

Eyes that feel like they’ve been crying for 500 days in the desert…

The throat of a fire-breathing dragon…

A nose that forgot its job…

and a body that feels like it’s been through a boxing match… or 12.

What do these have in common?

THE FLU.

Help, I’m under attack, and my body is running amuck!

Yuck.

**This may anger some. These are just some thoughts that I am having today, some questions that have been brought up in my own mind. I apologize if I offend anyone… but if I cause you to think about things, then it will be worth it.**

As I sit here today, I find myself unsure how I feel. The news of the death of a very infamous man was released yesterday, May 1, 2011, in a bit of a replication of the death of an infamous figure released decades ago on May 1, 1945.

Osama bin Laden is dead.

He was apparently killed by a US bomb somewhere around a week ago. Most of America is congratulating themselves that “We Got Him!” and a man that led thousands of terrorists to kill thousands of innocents has been removed from the picture.

On the side of Justice, I can agree that this should feel like a good thing. I admit to having a few moments of relief that the man that thought up the bombings on 9/11 is no longer able to plot against us.

But I also mourn the loss of a human life. No, I mourn the jubulation that so many people feel over the loss of a human life.

And then I wonder why it is that ONE DEATH can mean so very much, while unborn children are slaughtered daily, children are sold or taken into slavery and raped and abused daily and soldiers are killed in war… but “America” doesn’t seem to care.

Yes, this man led others to senselessly murder thousands in a single day, and yes, we should be relieved that he is gone… but I assure you that there are others ready & willing to take his place. Yes, we should care that he has been removed, but what about the other invisible deaths and tragedies that surround us daily?

I was at a youth girls get-together last night when the news came out, and there were mixed responses. One person wasn’t sure who he was. Most were quite joyful that he was dead. But one of the girls looked at me and said what I was feeling inside. She said “I’m glad that he’s gone, but I can’t help mourn the loss of a life. He won’t be going to heaven unless he had a drastic conversion experience. He will never know God!”

Osama bin Laden showed us what religious fanatacism looks like. He showed us what it looks like to have a passion about your beliefs, how to have a belief strong enough that you are willing to die for it.

As Christians, we could learn a thing or two from Islam. We could learn how to not be complacent. We could learn to take a stand for what we claim to believe in.

Let me say right now that I am NOT saying we need to go around killing people in the name of God! The bible tells about a God that is LOVE. He said that His people would be known by their love. I serve a God of forgiveness and love and justice and mercy and gracy – a God that is holy, that cannot tolerate sin. A God that sacrificed His own Son – all to spare us from death and eternal seperation from Him.

What woujld this country – this world! – look like if Christians set out to love the world around us with as much passion and religious fervor as the radical muslims that followed bin Laden?

What if we had redical love for the world around us? What if we celebrated each person who died to themselves and gave their heart over to Jesus with the same dancing in the streets and exultation that we are currently celebrating the death of one man?

Passion is very attractive. Passion draws humanity like a flame draws moths – we can’t resist it.

How can we, as followers of the One True God, have passion for a God that doesn’t demand our worship and adoration? How can we have a greater fervor for a God that loved us into existence?

So yes, I am thankful that a mind that contemplated evil upon my country will no longer contemplate that evil against us. But I also wonder if we can learn something from him. And I am sad that he crossed over to something so different than he expected to. I am sad that he never knew God.

It’s hard to believe it’s already halfway through April! This year certainly didn’t start our slowly in our household.

It’s been an interesting year thus far. We’ve had two casts (the 2nd is due to come off tomorrow – yay!) and a 2nd car has been down for about 7 weeks. Yes, life has been a bit more interesting.

But broken hands, broken wrists and broken cars aside, life is moving it’s way along. The girls are very active – one in soccer 2 night a week with games on weekends, and the other with dance on those same two nights (!) and her 2nd recital coming up next month. She’s just a little bit excited to get back to dance once the cast comes off.

Me? I just want my car back.

But in the midst of all of the busy-ness and the broken-ness and the forced stay-put-ed-ness (is that even a word?) God is teaching me. God is teaching me that at times we all get broken. After we are broken, we have a period of rest. A period of healing. And that period of healing isn’t always as long as we expect it to be – and yet still at times seems to stretch for an eternity! But once that time of rest and healing has past, we have to get on with our lives.

We can’t wear the cast forever. If we did, our skin would not like us much. Our broken-ness would never truly heal, because it would never re-gain the strength it needs to function properly.

Have you been broken?

I have. It hurts. Being broken is not fun at all, and I very often lack the patience to step back and allow that time of rest and healing before I jump back into “normal” life. But we need that. We need the chance to allow the healing to take root before we rely on that broken area to support us again.

And once we have given it time to repair, we need to start flexing those muscles again. We need to re-build the strength that once was there. We need to get back into life.

As we approach Easter, I am also reminded that our Savior was broken. He was broken for us – to heal the rift that sin created between us and God. His body was tortured, He gave up His life willingly, and He allowed His disciples to fully experience the broken-ness of His death for a time – but then He brought healing and restoration.

He was broken for me. His broken-ness heals me. It allows me to embrace life and to flex those muscles and gives me that strength that I can rely on – that which was broken has healed to be stronger.

His broken-ness is my strength.

Isn’t it funny how our wants change as we get older.  Although admittedly there are a couple of items on this list that are also on my kids lists (like a laptop – go figure) most of them are drastically different.

And yes, I’m not so old and boring that there aren’t any toys on my list, but there aren’t too many.

My Grown-Up Christmas List

• 4 new tires for the Suby (it being all-wheel-drive, I can’t just replace 1)
• 2 new tires for the VW (replaced the other 2 a couple of months ago)
• new windshield wipers – for BOTH cars
• my wedding ring fixed
• for the Suby to RUN like it’s supposed to!  (Eric is working on that one – the engine is out & he’s trying to figure out what’s wrong)
• new MacBook Pro (to replace the old, dying one)
• bass lessons… the bass to go with them would be neat too, but there’s a couple around I can borrow.
• iPhone (waiting for Verizon for this one…)  – or suitable Driod-esque replacement
• new exhaust for the Suby (while it’s already in pieces…)
• my cooking knives sharpened
• 1 terabyte backup drive (so I can stop using little flash drives)
• hardwood flooring (ah, someday)
• stairs on the deck
• refrigerator – before this one completes it’s slow, painful, NOISY death.
• the furnace working again

As you can see, lots of these wants fall closer to the “needs” category than the “wants” category.

Compared to the girls lists, well, it’s just the laptop that is on both.  They want toys, toys and more toys.  More junk to fill their rooms and have to pick up.  Clothes would be acceptable too I suppose.  Mostly though their lists look like this:

• DSi & games
• polly pockets
• Li’l Pet Shop’s
• barbie dolls
• American Girl dolls (Josephina to be exact)
• new bikes (theirs are too small or need fixed)
• new sleds
• art supplies & a drawing board
• movies (about dogs)
• a BLACK MacBook or Dell (whose kid IS this?  Dell????)
• computer & Wii games
• books
• nerf guns & refill darts
• board games
• iSpy games
• beads
• gum & candy
• Little Miss Matched socks
• nail polish, etc.
• silly bands
• iPad (can’t fault them for that one – I’d take one too!)
• new iPods (not happening since they lost our old ones we gave them)

It’s not too bad, I suppose.  After all they are 8 & 10.  One of them wants about 5 things.  The other wants over 20.

How do we teach our kids to give instead of receive?  How do we teach them to be content with what they have when their rooms are overflowing with stuff they can’t even find to play with?  I’m open to any ideas on that one.

As we enter this Christmas season I am looking for ways to teach them thankfulness and compassion.

I suppose I want to teach me that too. 

The Lovely Miss M has taken up soccer this fall, and between 3 practices per week and a game every Sunday afternoon, well, we have been busy with soccer.  She’s “playing up” this year since there wasn’t any room in her age group, and has learned a lot about the game.  The team was a pretty good mix of kids – some are really good players, some are beginners (like Miss M) and some are somewhere in between.

They just won their first game of the season this past Sunday.

Yep, games every single Sunday since September 12, and they hadn’t won a game yet.  There were a couple that they should have won, and some that they definitely lost.  But this past Sunday they worked together as a team.  They made some amazing plays, did some beautiful steals, and managed to come out the victor at the end of the game.

Those girls played some good soccer.

As I got to thinking about it though, I began to see some parallels to life in their struggle.

Whenever we get together with people – at work, at play, at church, on the highway in traffic – there is a mix of skill levels at whatever we are doing.  Some people have been doing it for a while, some are brand new to it, and the rest of us fall somewhere in the middle.  Some people have humility, some are arrogant.  Some are teachable, some think they already know everything.

Over time, we can learn to work together, or we can be the loner in the midst of others that wants to be the star player that gets the credit for everything… whether we are good enough or not.  There were times that one of the girls would have the ball and was so intent on making the goal herself, that she didn’t see her teammate over there in a perfect position – open and ready for the ball.  Had it been passed to her, they would have scored a goal… but the ball never made it over to her.

We can be that person that is new – doesn’t quite know all the rules, doesn’t quite have the skill, is hesitant when they have the ball – and our teammates don’t give us the chance to gain experience. We can also be those teammates who don’t give them a chance.

Once we spend that time together though – once we learn how to work together as a team – we will discover that we can do amazing things when we all work together.  When we share the glory, when we give those newbies a chance, and when we pass the ball over to the person who is open & in a perfect position, we may find that by working together we can make the goal.

I was giddy Sunday watching the game.  Miss M played almost the whole game.  She actually managed to steal the ball back from the other team a few times and made a lot of successful passes to her teammates.  She got in there and played her heart out.  She was part of the team, and helped her team come out the winners of the game.  Would they have won without her?  Maybe.  But she also managed to block a couple of goal-kicks by the other team.  Would someone else in her position have played better?  Who knows.  She’s new to this.  She’s learning.  But that’s the point – she’s learning how to be a soccer player.  She’s learning how to be a part of a team – a part of the whole.  She’s not the star player, but she is one of the players that helped her team win the game.

That’s what we all are.  We may not be the one that gets the recognition for making the goal, but we are part of a team that supports them in making that final goal.  Without a team around them, the star players wouldn’t be able to make those goals.

Soccer is life – well, for the next 2 weeks anyway.    There are experienced players and new players, and it is up to those with more experience to help the new people learn how to play the game.  It’s up to the experienced players to give the new players a chance, because if they never get the chance, how will they ever get better?

We are all part of a team.  Let’s work together and see just how far we can go.

I’ve been reading this Summer… a lot.  The girls have to read at least 30 minutes per day, and I have been reading with them.  I have also been staying up with Eric as he works into the wee hours of the morning, and most often I read then as well.  Needless to say I’ve read quite a few books in the past 2 months.

But something I read tonight in one of these books struck a chord with me, and I thought I’d share it.  It is in response to a question about how a place that the characters are visiting is making them feel – giving them a completeness, a wholeness, a rightness to the world that they have never known.

“There is a love here that is rarely found on earth.  Perhaps in families, certainly between a husband and wife on occasion, but almost never in the world at large.  Love governs everything here.  Everything.  Love and the continually practiced presence of the Most High.

“Yeseph explained it once to me.  He said that the Most High is indeed ever-present with his creation, with us.  But we often lose sight of him – we fall away from him unless we practice his presence.  By that he meant we must keep him with us in our thoughts and deeds, lest we forget.

“For it is not the One who forgets us, but we forget him.  It is how we are made, a defect perhaps, but one that makes belief necessary.  And belief is the Most High’s greatest gift.  So even there he has rescued us.”

“Rescues us from ourselves.  I see.  Is it love that transforms even the common things – the sunrise yonder, for one – into such works of beauty?  Is it love that makes me feel as if all my life until now was a life lived in shadow?”

“Oh, yes!  Love, and the knowledge of the Most High”

“But I know very little of the Most High.  How can it be that I feel as I do?”

“In your heart of hearts you know him.  Durwin used to say that all men were born with the knowledge of the Most High in their hearts.  The trick is to spend more time remembering, and less time forgetting what we already know.”

“From now on I will spend all my time remembering.”

This is an excerpt from “The Sword and the Flame” by Stephen Lawhead.  It’s the third book in the Dragon King Trilogy.

I think that it is quite applicable to our lives as well.

We do often lose sight of God in the busyness of our day-to-day lives.  We do often forget Him as we go along through life.  The trick, it seems, is to spend more time remembering.

How is your memory today?

So I made this list a couple of years ago.  I like to revisit it every so often to a) remind myself of the goals I set and b) to update it with the things that have been completed, and see those which are no longer relevant.

Right now there is much that is irrelevant.  And not enough of the others done!  Eek!

Anyway, here is my list – as also seen in the bottom left sidebar.

My 1001 day is Wednesday, January 12, 2011

house and yard maintenance
1. get stairs on the deck - hopefully next Summer – won’t make it by the deadline though.  Bummer.
2. clean and plant flower bed in backyard – actually, we have two of them done.  Yay!
3. build a sunflower house for the girls – I think this one has been given up on.  I tried so many times, but the slugs kept eating all the plants.  Grrrrr.
4. clean and maintain the flowerbed outside the office – this is an ongoing one that I haven’t done nearly as much as I need to this Summer.  It’s planted though.
5. finish planting the pathway to garden – this too has changed.  We pulled most of it out as the grass was growing over everything.  It has become something for the NEXT 101 in 1001 list.
6. finish making stepping stones for path – well, if I thought there would actually be a stepping stone path I would do this.  Looks like we are using flagstones instead though… if it ever gets reborn.
7. terrace back hillside for garden - terraced?  yes!  for a garden?  not so much.  It looks great though!
8. find a new home for the evergreen trees before they get too large to move – most of them are gone due to disease or just plain growing too large and taking over the driveway.  The one in the middle of the front yard has me worried though.  It could become a very large tree in not too many more years.  I hate to cut it down though – it’s such a pretty tree.  We shall see.  Maybe I can replace it with a tree of a different kind.
9. paint the outside of the house – once again, the colors have been chosen, we are just waiting for the finances to do it (you know, after we fix the cars and the furnace and the… you get the idea)
10. finish M’s mural – this requires me to have access to the wall to paint.  And now she thinks she wants her room to be blue instead of pink.  It may never be completed before it’s painted over.  :’(
11. finish A’s mural - again, need to be able to get to the wall. I really want to get this one done though.
12. get laundry room remodeled – we put in a new washer/dryer last winter and added some shelving, tiled the floor and painted a wall.  I think that’s about all we can do to it.
13. finish bathroom remodel – uh, yeah.  there is so much here.
14. put down hardwood floors - again, it keeps getting put off due to finances.  We did get the tile in downstairs though.
15. re-carpet the downstairs – Not gonna happen.  We put tile down instead and i love it!
16. tile the stairs – going with hardwood instead, although we have everything but the wood to re-tile the entryway.  almost there.
17. clean out the garage – progress is being made.  Goodwill has seen much of me lately.  I have to get it cleaned out now – need the space to fix my car.  ugh.
18. fix the garage door opener – someday this will happen, I’m sure.
19. fix the side fence & gate – again, this will be moved to the next list.  Hopefully next Summer?

office – most of these can just be junked.  I just need to clean the office out and convert it into usable space.
20. get all the fabric organized and PUT AWAY - or donated.
21. get filing done
22. KEEP filing done – do all filing 1x per month
23. get all buttons, clasps & hooks organized -(95% there!)
24. make and hang a ribbon organizer
25. hang pictures/whiteboards up - DONE.
26. get rid of the extra boxes
27. post unwanted fabrics to sell every 6 weeks - or just donate them
28. unpack & put away office supplies from move - or just donate them
29. donate/pass on patterns that are too small for the girls - or just donate them

- it is hard to read through this list and see all the plans I had for Mimsi Bags… plans which are now no more.  A chapter of my life has been closed in this area and I have moved on, but it’s still hard to see dreams that have been forgotten.
work – work, too, has changed.  I need to just get rid of fabrics and notions that I don’t intend to use in the very near future so that the office is (again) usable for other pursuits.  Having a music room would rock.  haha.

30. get rid of excess flowers
31. remove flowers from website
32. find a new home for Carole’s table runners - I need to return these to her daughter.
33. finish moving TC products over
34. Clean up website – delete old product pages- does deleting the whole thing count?
35. sell/donate purchased bags – sooooo done!
36. build wholesale site
37. send out newsletter to wholesale companies every 6 weeks
38. make swatch books
39. hire a bookeeper
40. get all patterns copywritten - I would still like to do this in the event I ever choose to sell them.
41. review 2 products each month
42. update/catalog orders & donations 1x per month
43. send out newsletter 2x per month
44. post new blog 1x per week for Mimsi
45. post 6 blogs per month for gift guides family (recipes, reviews, etc)
46. find wholesale supplier for fabric
47. make 1 RTS/art bag each week
48. do inventory- this needs to happen, just as a course of action for donating things.  taxes people.
49. meet with mastermind group each week

Health/cooking
50. cook 3 vegeterian/vegan meals per week – well, I’m not sure how many we eat each week, but we eat lots of veggies around here.
51. learn to use 1 new ingredient per month – yeah, this has so not been happening.
52. post 2 new recipes per month – um… we just won’t go there k?
53. exercise 3x per week – I was doing sooooooo good here, and I am getting back into it now. hopefully it will stick a bit longer this time!
54. drop 4 dress sizes – talk to me again at Christmas.  I hope to be well on my way here by then.  I had dropped one, but then I threw my back out & well, you know how that goes.  ugh.
55. learn to use the dutch oven well – didn’t even use it this Summer.  We only went camping once.
56. bake bread once per week (0/52) – I was doing really, really well at this.  Then life got a bit more busy.  And I stopped eating much bread.
57. clean out the fridge 2x per month – this really is a humorous notion.
58. use/freeze leftovers – we are doing much better at this, but I still occasionally toss leftovers.  So wasteful.
59. grow corn – again, we tried.  Slugs.  Nuff said.
60. go on a walk with the girls & Eric at least 1x per week (0/7) um… with others?  can’t I go by myself?
61. climb the stairs at the end of the road 2x per week (0/7) ok.  I really should do this.  it would help with so much.  it just hurts!
62. make healthy snacks for the girls – healthy & what they will eat seems to be a difference of opinion.
63. use up the CSA produce each week – this is sort of working.  life has gotten busy & we just haven’t been home.  so annoying to toss veggies that were so yummy looking… before they became liquid in the fridge drawer.  ick.
64. learn to bake with flours other than wheat - doing better at this.  Not that hard really.  Always more learning to do though.
65. make 1 entire meal from a different country 2x per month – yeah right
66. get a bike – I still really want to do this.  And a bike rack for the car… once it is working again.
67. get up by 7 every day – talk to me in a month – once school starts I will be doing this again.  I was doing really well at this before Summer… and before staying up until midnight with Eric (watching him work while I read)
68. go to bed on time – talk to the man on this one.  I really want him to get to bed by 11 at the latest.  Work has been… crazy.
69. eat 1 raw meal per week – Hooray!  Something I can check off!

personal
70. read psalms each morning – … oops.
71. make Eric’s pants – I’ve only had the fabric for 7 years, what’s the hold up?  FEAR.  yep.  that and time, yeah, time.
72. make Mom H’s piano bench cushion – oh yeah.  Gotta find that fabric again.  It’s in the office.  o_O
73. keep the granite cleaned off – this has been going in spurts.  On again/off again.  Need to do better.
74. have a clean, empty sink each night before going to bed – um, the girls have taken over the dishes.  Needs work still.
75. make at least 1 trip to goodwill each month - does 3 trips last month make up for a few months?  Got more to make though.  Lots more junk to purge.
76. save up for a new car ~new car purchased May 2008
77. build up an emergency fund – every time we get some saved, an emergency comes up.  So was it successful?  dunno – there is no fund right now.
78. post cd’s to swap or take to sell/trade in ~ freecycled a BIG box of cd’s, but there are still more to get rid of.
79. get last summer’s camping trips scrapbooked – and the summer before that, and before that, and bef… well, you get the idea.
80. teach the girls to sew – hmmm.
81. teach the girls to garden – hmmm
82. memorize 1 scripture per week – somebody want to give me the kick in the butt to do this?  nicely, of course.
83. memorize with the girls! – oh yeah, forgot about this one.
84. find the cord for the keyboard – did this a looooooooong time ago!
85. practice the piano again – been forced to play it more regularly due to work, but I could still use actual PRACTICE time.  yep.
86. teach the girls the basics of playing the piano – o_O
87. get M into violin lessons ~ she took lessons for 4 months, then quit.  hmm.  need to find another instrument.
88. go on a date with Eric 1x per month – we have mostly been doing MUCH better at this.  In fact, we were getting 1 date per WEEK there for a while.  wow!
89. find a good babysitter – good friends with kids and Sam have helped with this one.  a lot.
90. have QUALITY 1-on-1 with M each week – hoping that while A is at dance this will happen
91. have QUALITY 1-on-1 with A each week – hoping for this while M is at soccer.  I’m not sure how quality it will be sitting on the sidelines of a soccer field it will be though.  time to talk at least?
92. have QUALITY 1-on-1 with Eric each week so sitting in the same room while he works doesn’t cut it?  oh.
93. finish A’s curtains – riiiiiiiiiiight.  E still has to hang the curtain rod… well once we find it again he does.
94. have “girlfriend time” 1x per month – per MONTH?  Oh no, per WEEK. 
95. send a handwritten letter 1x per month – I’m beginning to think the handwrtten letter is a thing of the past.
96. send a letter to Norma 1x per month – we soooo meed to do this.  Been convicted of it more lately.
97. pray more – ALWAYS
98. read the bible through – start to finish?  really?  I got to Isaiah…
99. read 1 book every 6 weeks (but don’t ignore everything else!) – you mean 6 books every week?  Got this one in the bag.  Oh wait… I guess I need to work on the ignoring part a bit more.  I’m getting much better at putting the book down though!
100. be a better mom – this is a neverending goal.
101. be a better wife – definitely working on this one!

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So – the orange ones still need work.  The green ones are done (yay!) and the purple ones are, well, no longer relevant or just aren’t going to happen.  Bummer.

I still have a lot of work to do by January.