If I were to choose one word that defined my life in 2010, it would be FORGIVENESS.  Over and over again God asked me to forgive as I have been forgiven – no easy task!  To forgive my husband, to forgive those who came with false accusations, to forgive family members who said hurtful things, to forgive friends when they did something to frustrate me – and to then ask to be forgiven when I blew it.

2010 was a year of huge change for me, although much of it was so incremental that I didn’t even notice how much I had changed until I started looking back at where I was when the year started.

I have begun to learn how to forgive.  I am starting to learn how to forgive in the way that God has forgiven each of us, and I have learned how to forgive myself.  To move past the guilt of failure (even if just in my own eyes) and to take the focus of my life off of the bad stuff and put that focus onto God.

So what comes after forgiveness?  What one word is going to define 2011 in my life?  I’m still trying to pin that one down.    God & I have some talking to do before I nail down one word for 2011, but I look forward to it (and kind of dread it!)

Last week was all about conflict management.  This week is about loving your enemies.

I gotta admit, I’m not terribly thrilled about either topic.  What can I say – I’m human.  These are things that in my own strength are difficult.  My humanity makes me want to seek revenge – or at the very least lash out at those who seek to hurt me or those I care for.  Loving those who hurt me and resolving the conflict in the way God calls me to just isn’t all that easy – unless I seek to resolve it in His strength.

Which brings us to the first verse for this week – is a good one:

Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.

- Hebrews 12:14 – ESV

Different translations use slightly different words or phrases for the beginning of this verse, and I’d like to examine them.

Strive for peace.  (ESV, Amplified)

Pursue Peace (NASB)

Make every effort to live in peace (NIV)

Work at living in peace (NLT)

Follow after peace (KJV, ASV)

Wow… it seems to me that this peace thing isn’t an easy task.  It is something that we have to strive for – to work hard at.  Something that just isn’t a natural tendency of mankind.

Maybe that’s why it seems so hard to do some days.

Living at peace with everyone around you comes from a heart that is filled with God’s love for everyone around you.  A heart that seeks Him above all else.

But there are days that it is more challenging than others.  Days where it takes a bit more striving.

This week we will be looking at David’s second opportunity to kill Saul while he was being hunted down by him… and chose to honor God by allowing Saul to live.

In the meantime, let’s work on this whole “pursue peace” thing with those we come into contact with.

I know I need to focus more energy there, how about you?

So, we have listened in as Nabal let his mouth run away from him (we assume not for the first time).

We have watched as David let all of his pent up anger and frustration towards Saul get re-directed towards Nabal for the refuse he spewed from his mouth.

And we have seen Abigail step in the middle and reach out with an attempt at peace.

So, what happened?

³²And David said to Abigail, “Blessed be the LORD, the God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! ³³Blessed be your discretion, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodguilt and from avenging myself with my own hand! ³⁴For as surely as the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, who has restrained me from hurting you, unless you had hurried and come to meet me, truly by morning there had not been left to Nabal so much as one male.”

³⁵Then David received from her hand what she had brought him. And he said to her, “Go up in peace to your house. See, I have obeyed your voice, and I have granted your petition.”

-1 Samuel 25 – ESV

Whew!  David actually listened to Abigail!  He set aside his pride and truly heard her words and took them to heart.  Her household has been saved from certain death.

It was worth the risk.  Praise the Lord!

But that’s not where I want to focus…

David could very easily have chosen to ignore Abigail’s words.  He could have sought to save face before his men.  He could have stayed all tied up in knots and blinded by the rage he allowed to grow within him and turned a deaf ear to her.  He could have slain her where she knelt on the ground before him as the first of the household to die.

But he didn’t.

He stopped and truly listened.

He graciously accepted her rebuke and sought to do what was right rather than continuing to feed his pride.

It is so easy to turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to the truth when we have been offended!  I’m sure that David’s men thought that his reactions was just a tad bit extreme – I mean Nabal didn’t really owe them anything.  And while he said some things that were intended to ridicule, none of it was worth killing every man there over, was it?

Something in this tells me that David was just looking for a place to vent his frustrations over Saul.  Or maybe I just see that since I have been known to do that myself.  I can’t let out the anger and frustration I am feeling in one area of my life for a variety of reasons, but along comes a completely unrelated situation and boy howdy!  This new situation gets all kinds of “righteous indignation” thrown at it!  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.  Look out world – Hiroshima was just the warm up.

I must admit that I have been known to use a not-entirely-innocent bystander as the target for wrath that really should never have been directed at them simply because I needed an outlet and they happened along and offended me.  And their offense was so far overshadowed by my reaction that it was nearly ridiculous.  My anger got me worked up into a froth and I tried to get others on my side to agree with me that so-and-so needed to go down in a ball of flames.

Ouch.

The question is this: when I let my anger take over my better judgment in such a manner, am I willing to unstop the eyes and ears to see and hear truth as David did?

Unfortunately I have to answer that I too often am not willing.  I want to be angry.  I want to see someone – anyone – pay for hurting me or those I care for.  I want to make them feel the full force of my anger… even if they are not the sole cause of it.

But that is not how God wants me to react.

He wants me to get humble.  To recognize truth and listen to it.  And he wants me to recognize the bearer of this truth… and thank them.  Most importantly, I believe He wants me to forgive those who have given offense and spare them my wrath.

That means I have to swallow my own pride and be willing to look foolish in front of those who have seen me set out on the war path.  And it means that I also need to apologize to those who have been unfortunate enough to be the target of my wrath when they were not the only cause of it.

God is a God of love.  Correction – God is love.  We who call ourselves His people need to remember that we are the People of Love… and even when it is hard, even when it hurts to do so, we are called to love everyone – including those who have hurt us.

Admittedly I still have a looooong way to go.

How about you?

We’ve all been there.

You do something nice for someone else and they blow you off.  Or worse, they blame you or ridicule you for it.

You have been wronged.

How do you react?

Hopefully better than David did…

^12-13 David’s men got out of there and went back and told David what he had said. David said, “Strap on your swords!” They all strapped on their swords, David and his men, and set out, four hundred of them. Two hundred stayed behind to guard the camp.

^20-22 As she was riding her donkey, descending into a ravine, David and his men were descending from the other end, so they met there on the road. David had just said, “That sure was a waste, guarding everything this man had out in the wild so that nothing he had was lost—and now he rewards me with insults. A real slap in the face! May God do his worst to me if Nabal and every cur in his misbegotten brood aren’t dead meat by morning!”

-1 Samuel 25 – The Message

Hmmm…

Nabal said some pretty harsh things about David, and refused to acknowledge the assistance that David and his men offered.  It was an insult and a slap in the face – true – but was it worth his reaction?

David is fuming.  He is raging.  He is beyond sense as he hears what Nabal said about him, and it sends him into a fury that will only be stopped by bloodshed.

Apparently he is still a hot-headed young man who isn’t quite ready to be king.

But how different are we?

No, we don’t generally set our hearts upon bloodshed, but the bible does say that what we ponder in our hearts is as much a sin as following through with the action.

When we are wronged or insulted our first reaction is often to “get even.”  Sometimes we even consider acts of violence (not that we would ever follow through of course.  *note the sarcasm*) but that is not how we are called to react.

ruh-roh.

Nope, we are called to forgive. To be humble.  to turn the other cheek and – above all else – to love.

What?!!?!?

But God, You don’t know what they said!  You don’t know what they did!  They need to pay!

Well, actually, He does.  The bible also reminds us that vengence is not ours to give.  Justice is not ours to meter out.  Those belong to God alone.  He will judge our hearts and He will act where vengence is needed.

We are to be humble, forgiving souls that love those around us – even when they hurt us.  We are to give to those in need no matter if we like them or not.

I must admit that this is an area that I need to work on.  My initial reaction still takes a loooooooong time to get past.  I fall into the “get-even” trap all too easily, and it is hard to pull out of that.  In my own strength, well, let’s just say I can have some violent tendencies.  In my own strength I can work myself up to be rather, um, well, not very nice.

But in God’s strength I can learn not only to forgive, but to seek reconciliation.

How about you?  How do you react when you are wronged?  Do tell…